Remember Your Magic!
Into The Void and Inviting Magic In
I have been in the depths of the ocean again and am needing to come back into dry land for a while until I integrate my newly found experiences. I thought I would share. I am definitely in a different stage of my awakening, and am experiencing a ton of growing pains and what you may call creative frustration. Stuck in a cycle of dying, and not seeing or integrating my rebirths. I could not see the magic.
I have come a long way. I am not so afraid of the darkness. I am not so afraid of the traumas of the past. (However, I still don’t prefer them) I work through fear if I am called to work through it. I have been through alot of difficulties. All the difficulties I have gone through are exactly what my soul came here to transmute. And I am beginning to own them to the best of my ability. I am no longer the victim, survivor but I just am ME. As in I don’t identify with the difficulties I have gone through, rather they are part of my story.
I see that every time I am willing to take a dive into the depths of the ocean with some of these things and heal layers of wounding, the gifts waiting for me on the other side are filled with insane amounts of magic and miracles from the universe that I could not have ever thought to be true. Hint, the best part is: every time I am willing to face the darkness; and when I finally make it back to shore, I am more whole, more integrated, more expansive and I feel the best I have ever felt. That’s a gift in itself.
I almost in a way embrace the darkness (when I feel ready to look within.) I embrace the moon, the darkness of the night sky. The void is actually helping us heal layers and layers of stuff that has gone unresolved from multiple lifetimes. I guess you can say after years of fighting the darkness I almost feel a sense of comfort being in the void and doing all this healing work. It’s what my soul came here to do! I love doing it!
But my soul did not come here to just live in the void. It came here to sail the boat out into deep water, but then journey back to dry land and live my life on earth. I have found that if I stay in the void for too long and continue doing all this healing work, the magic of life quickly fades away. I get lost in the difficulties I am working so hard to transmute! This does take a toll on you physically, emotionally and mentally. I tend to need a lot of self care and nurturing. I am working so damn hard to heal lifetimes of work that I forget to sit back and enjoy the magic of life.
There is beauty in the basic human things. This beauty and joy is what I so long for in my heart. The beauty of loved ones being around you, making a difference in the world, living your dream life. After all, I am doing all this healing work to help the planet and to pursue my dreams and goals. I want to enjoy my life and be in unity with the earth!
I mean I spent so much time in the darkness for years that doing the healing work is totally liberating! But I need to be able to integrate, and feel the shifts in my reality and in my being. Otherwise, I never actually make it to dry land to breathe. Integrating, living life and putting gas in your tank to continue the shadow work is just as important as the shadow work itself.
I thought and still do at times (If I just heal this particular wound, I can be free and live the rest of my life being happy, joyous and free!) But the happy joyous and free is in the present moment! It’s not out there. It’s within you. I found myself in an illusion of healing. Yes, the healing of the wounding is a magical process. But just as important as the shadow, is being in the light and enjoying all your hard work as well as the life you are creating. The gifts are there just waiting for me, but my owl vision got blinded and bogged down by all the shadow stuff I have been working so hard to clear. We do this work to live and embody who we are not to be bogged down by difficulties. We do this to embody more wholeness. Yes, sometimes we have to fall apart to get there, but we are already complete!
I have been working so hard to heal, that I forgot to live my life. I haven’t had much external reality for some time now. Some by choice, some just unfolded that way. I learned to surrender through it and live my life the best that I could with the circumstances I was given. I had to lose everything, to remember who I was. I had to have my body, mind and spirit shattered to find what I was here to do. had to see everything was happening within me. I did not have a life for so long so that I could discover my soul’s work. But now the work shifts to bringing it out into the world. I feel like I am ready to live again! To rejuvenate my spirit! To fill up with the magic once more! The longing to be a part of the earth and to live the life I have been working so hard for. I have been dying for so long, I finally am ready to live!
Next time you are taking a dive into the depths of your being, remember to invite the magic in with you. Remember to enjoy your life even if it feels un-enjoyable. It’s the little things that count. Such as a warmly home cooked meal, or a dog looking extra cute at you. The little things become the big things. One day you will wake up and be surrounded by magic, you won’t know how it got there but you’ll know that in the end it was all worth it!